little gifts

There is a woman in my life that I just truly love to pieces.  I know that may sound like a strange thing to say about a girl friend, but it is true.  This woman is crazy fun.  She is athletic, she is smart, she is wise.  She is incredibly kind and giving and thoughtful and she has this uncanny ability to make everyone in her presence feel special.  The special-est, actually, and if that were a word it would fit exactly.  Deep down to her very soul, I believe that this woman is about as good as they get. 

I'm always grateful for the time I get to spend with her because I feel as if I am always learning about myself when I do.  She makes me think.  She asks me questions that require introspection and thought.  She challenges me to be better, to do better, but all on my own time frame and in my own way.

She never criticizes.  I've never, in all the time I've known her, heard her say an unkind thing about anyone.  Ever.  Not many of us could say the same, could we? 

She enjoys life and lives it to the fullest.  She is not worried in the least about what you think or what I think or what anyone thinks for that matter.  She does what she wants, when she wants, with whom she wants.  And each time I get to spend time with her, these qualities make me love her that much more.   

The other day, we got to spend quite a bit of time together - the better part of a day, in fact - and as I was watching her and listening to her, I suddenly realized that she reminded me of someone.  Someone I once knew.  Someone I loved more than anything in the world.

She reminds me of my mother.

And not just her personality reminded me, her zest for life, her kindness.  That is my mother and more - the way she loved life, the way she loved living.  Physically, too, there is something about my friend that is just as comforting and familiar to me.  The shape of her legs, the way she moves her hands when she speaks, the pattern of her speech.

It was eerie, and I was caught off guard.  How could I have not noticed it before?   The resemblance, the similarities?  Maybe subconsciously I had.  Maybe the simple fact that I am really happy and at peace when we spend time together should have been a sign.  Maybe the fact that I respect her advice, that I listen and apply the things she shares with me should have been a sign.  

There are lots of things, now that I look back and who can say why, after all the time we've spent together, I suddenly noticed it, and yet I did.  Right there, in the middle of a regular ole Friday.

You would think that after such a huge realization, blabber mouth that I am would have blurted - hey, you remind me of my mom!  But I didn't.  I should have.  I should have just given her a big old hug and said - I love you and you remind me of my mother - is that ok?

But I didn't for a few reasons, least of which was that I was afraid that she might not take it as a compliment.  Would she think I thought she was so much older than me?  Would that offend her?  And as I reread what I wrote above about her, I want you to know that even I realize that is ridiculous.  She would have taken it for what it was, what it is - a special little gift my mother was sending me in the form of my friend.

Later that night, I suddenly realized something else.  Although, my friend is older than me, age wise, there is no way on earth she could be my mother.  However, my last good memories, my last happy memories of my mom (before she got sick) were when she was just about my friend's age, and no matter how old I get, I will always remember her that way, as if suspended in time. 

Maybe the whole thing is not so strange at all.  Maybe we are destined to make connections with certain people because we gravitate toward those who share similar traits with those we love and in particular, have lost.   Who knows really.  I guess I could probably analyze it every which way, but what I think I'd rather do is simply say...  thank you.  Thank you to the circumstances that brought my friend and me together, that opened my eyes last week, that allowed me to feel close to my mother once again after all these years.