This ornament was given to me many years ago by someone who is not speaking to me any longer.
Sadly, sometimes that happens in divorce. A couple splits and for whatever reason, friends and family feel that they need to choose a side.
Perhaps it is to show their loyalty? Or perhaps its just easier that way, to align yourself with a side, Team Momo or Team Johnny, and play judge, jury and executioner.
I don't understand it and I won't pretend that I do.
Over the years, I have had friends who have divorced and although my natural tendency would obviously be to gravitate toward one or the other, I would like to believe I have never, would never, be intentionally... hurtful. Intentionally... absent.
But it happens. And it has happened.
And try as I might to make it otherwise, I guess in the end all I can do is accept it.
What I find incredible however, is that no one knows my side of the story just as no one can fully know Johnny's. Neither of us is fully right, as neither of us is fully wrong. Fully culpable nor fully innocent.
So, how can you judge? Why should you judge?
And, just so we're clear, you will never hear the whole story from me, neither here nor in any other public forum simply because, it is private. It is my business, as it is Johnny's business. Not yours and certainly not facebook's.
The bottom line is not who was right or who was wrong., who said what, who didn't say, who did what or who didn't do. No, the bottom line and the only thing that matters is our littles, and our combined attempt to salvage our ability to remain good parents.
The truth of the matter is that not only am I Team Momo, I am also Team Johnny. I want his happiness. I want him to find his joy. Just as I desperately want those things for not only myself, but our littles as well. The rest? Well the rest is just... noise.
So, I will let you choose if you must. I will let you judge if you think you have any right whatsoever.
And today I will simply be grateful for those who have not.
xoxo,
momo
2 comments:
No one ever really knows what goes on in someone else's relationship or marriage. You can hear what's said, or see interactions, but it's never the whole story.
I never met Big J. But that doesn't mean I think he's a bad person just because you're divorcing.
Over the last few years, I've watched several marriages of close friends dissolve. It hurts for everyone. No one thinks it's fun. In one case, I have a clear side, because I've known her so much longer and so much more independently. But I'm still friendly with him -- life's too short to cause unnecessary pain.
Thanks for your bravery, Momo. Talking about this stuff can be hard.
It's still fresh. People will come and go and come back around. Keep your heart open.
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