thirty days with a grateful heart - day two

day two - my littles

I'd heard stories about what it was like to have children. You know those stories, the ones about how you will love them so much, how you would do anything in your power to protect them, to care for them, to grow them.  I had heard them all and I remember thinking, absolutely, I will love them.  Of course, I will love them.  But, I have to be honest with you, I don't think I completely understood the depth or breadth, the sheer and utter magnitude, of that kind of love until the very moment I held Little J in my arms for the first time.

I have loved people in my life.  I mean, really, really loved them.  I love Big J, more than I think he will ever know.  I love my parents, my family, my friends.  We all have people in our lives that we say we love, truly, madly, deeply, but as I looked down at Little J, and again at Frankie on the day she was born, in those moments, the meaning of mother's love became clear.  Very simply, my heart was no longer my own.  It belonged to them, to my littles, wholly and completely, and it will until the day I take my very last breath. 

God made me, exactly how he made me, so that I could be their mother.  He made me to care for them, to cherish and hold them, to teach them and guide them and grow them up in this world.  He made me specifically to love them.  He knew just exactly what they would need.  He knew that they would need me and that only I would do. 

And yet, for as much as they needed me and only me, He knew just exactly what I needed as well.  He knew that I would need littles that would challenge me, that would make me think, that would question me, listen to me, exasperate me to no end and make me swell with pride, oftentimes in the very same instant.  He knew that I needed littles who would hug me and allow me to hug them, in private, in public, no matter when or where the mood strikes.  He knew I needed littles who could tell me they were sorry, who would hold my hand, who would make me laugh out loud, who would sing with me, pray with me, listen to me, walk with me, share with me, break my heart and mend it back up again, littles who would love... me.

God knew. 

He knew I needed Little J, exactly as he is.  He knew I needed Frankie, precisely as she is.  Deep down, I know He knew because He knows everything, and yet, each day I cannot help but marvel at the absolute perfectness of it all. 

He knew. 

And today, for that, and for them, for my littles, I am so very, very grateful.  Especially today.